Things have been so up and down lately. I'm so frustrated over it.
This past week I was scheduled Mon - Thursday. I went in Friday and spent about 6 1/2 hours at work (ON MY DAY OFF). I called Steven at 5:30 to let him know I would be ready to go soon. He said he was by the mall (a mile or less from my work) and that he would be there at 6. So 6:00 rolled around and I called him again to see where he was. He told me he was on the other side of town, by the house. I was just like... WTF. He knew I was getting off work but went and ran his "friend" all over town instead of coming to pick me up on time. So I told him I was going to walk home. Did he care at all? Nope. So I'm walking home, in the dark, wearing black pants and a black jacket... in the dark. About half way he picks me up and starts SCREAMING at me. AT ME!!! Like I did something wrong! Excuse me if I don't want to stand around my job after I just spent all day on my day off there. Amiright? So I get out of the car and start walking again.. I am not going to be screamed at for being mad because someone else wasn't where they said they were going to be when they said they were going to be there, to pick me up in my own car.
So eventually I made it home without being kidnapped, pimpnapped, or ran over by a car. I got home and he was on the phone. The kids told me that he said "Let her walk." That to me speaks volumes by itself regarding how much someone really cares. He was more concerned with taking his friend all over town but couldn't even make it the 2/3 of a mile it is from the mall to my office. He claimed he came to look for me, but I don't believe it for one minute. He said he got back home 5 minutes before I got there... but if that was true he would have seen me because I would have been walking in the neighborhood or damn near close to it.
I feel like this is a big breaking point. He still doesn't see where he did anything wrong at all. "I didn't tell you to walk.", he says.
There are some issues in our 5 year relationship that need to be addressed and handled or it's just going to be over. He will take no responsibility for anything that is wrong, everything is everyone else's fault. When I start to talk about something that is bothering me, he denies any wrongdoing at all. I don't even want to talk to him anymore, about anything. I have never allowed anyone to ever disrespect me the way he has over the years. From allowing his friends to curse me up and down on the phone to making me wait to be picked up in my own vehicle. He is an extremely selfish person in reality but makes all the claims that he puts everyone in front of him. I can't keep doing this. I try to discuss things and try to fix things but I get so frustrated when he just denies everything and turns everything around to be all my fault.
I am so thoroughly disgusted by him at this point, I would be ok if I never had to see him again. It would be hard to start over and be a single parent again, but he thinks in his own mind that it's impossible and I will never survive without him. I am a decent person and I am a strong person. I just expect to be respected by the person that I share my life with.
